Unguarded Pain
by Bree Colbern
Summary: Tony catches Steve in an unguarded moment.


**Hey, guys! This idea popped into my head and I just had to write it, so I hope you like it! :) This is not slash by the way, just bromance. ;) One other thing real quick, I posted this in one of my Romanogers stories a while ago, and thought that I would post it in one of these stories, too.**

 _..._

 _ **I was reading this one story that I really liked, and when I got done I decided to look at some of the reviews...they were horrible. So many of them were nasty and hurtful and just downright awful. I'd like for you all to know how mean and hurtful these words can be to someone. I love writing, and thought that fanfiction could be a way to share my love for it while having fun.**_

 _ **Because this way I could write what I want and not have to worry about the opinions of others. But people who comment things like that, take the joy out of it. I've received a few reviews like that before, and I know personally how this kind of thing can damage someone's life. Yes, I might be over-exaggerating quite a bit, but I've suffered from these sorts of things and still do.**_

 _ **And it just bothers me to know that this is happening to something that I dearly love. I'm probably going to receive some hate for this, but I want to spread the word; bullying is not cool. You probably don't even think that this is what bullying is, but trust me. It is.**_

 _ **Okay, I believe that's it. I'm sorry for it being so long, but if you read the whole thing and are still reading, then that means you care. And I appreciate that. :)**_

 ** _..._**

 **Okay, so yeah, that's it. I just wanted to bring some more awareness to this, because this stuff is totally uncalled for. Okay, so that's it, I hope you enjoy the story! :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own this. Yet...but it won't be long... ;)**

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Tony hadn't meant to see this. He really hadn't. No, instead he had just been walking down the halls of his Tower, whistling some old tune, when he had noticed that Steve's door was open. Which was highly strange.

Tony had noticed that over the past few years of having the Avengers living in his Tower, that whenever Steve was in his room, the door was closed. It was as simple as that. But Tony hadn't meant to look in.

Honest he didn't.

But as soon as he did, he regretted it heavily. Steve was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the shadow black pistol in his hands with a broken, dejected look. Tony's breath hitched in his throat, and not because he was holding a pistol.

No.

Tony had seen Steve hold a pistol tons of times before, the way he handled it flawlessly and even saved Tony's life before with one.

But this...this was different. Steve was staring at it almost, _longingly_. Like maybe he wasn't going to use it on someone else this time. With that thought pulsing in his brain, a feeling not too far from fear ran through his veins.

But Steve obviously didn't even know that Tony was there.

Steve almost looked like he was contemplating something, because every once in a while his fingers would twitch and his jaw would clench. A look of pure brokenness was etched all through Steve's face, his eyes empty and missing their usual bright, azure color.

A look of desperation ran across Steve's face, and Tony suddenly felt that now was the best time to end his little downward spiral into darkness. Tony quickly glanced down at his watch, to see that he had apparently been standing there for five minutes already.

He bit his lip, wishing desperately that Pepper, or anybody else in the whole world was here to help. But they weren't. So, he took a deep breath and began speaking.

"Hey, Steve," He said, trying to sound perky, but failing miserably. Steve didn't jump at the voice, but Tony could see his shoulders tense and his jaw clench even harder.

Steve glanced up at Tony, and he could see Steve suddenly slip on a mask that only Captain America ever wore.

Steve smiled softly and Tony had a hard time believing that this was the same man who was literally just sitting here, contemplating something that nearly made Tony's heart stop. Suddenly, however, it all made sense.

The way Steve would always smile when Tony made a not-so-teasing remark about him, and how he never seemed to be able to understand anything in this new world, yet never complained.

"Hey, Tony." Steve said and Tony couldn't stop his gaze from going down to the gun. Steve's fingers twitched just the slightest, but his smile never wavered.

"I was just checking out S.H.I.E.L.D's new weapons they sent us; I've got to make sure they work properly." Steve said genuinely as he effortlessly spun the pistol around his finger like someone out of an old west movie.

Tony nodded slowly, not buying it at all. He slowly moved over to the bed, and sat down; close enough to try and offer some comfort, but not too close to make Steve feel like he was invading his personal space.

Tony paused a few seconds, staring intently at the gun, before speaking again.

"How long?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper. Steve sighed as he ran a hand over his face. Tony watched the younger man as he huffed out a single laugh humorlessly.

"Forever?" Steve said and Tony's brows furrowed together as he watched Steve close his eyes and shake his head lightly; probably internally scolding himself for getting caught.

"Steve?" Tony asked quietly and Steve opened his eyes and looked down at the gun.

"Look, Tony," He began, taking on his stoic voice and completely erasing any previous emotion on his face. "I'd really rather not talk about this. Can we just please forget you saw any of this?" He asked as he started to stand up and place the gun on the dresser.

"Uh, no. I am not going to just forget that I saw something like this." Tony said, anger settling into his voice. "Steve, this is serious. Why would you want to do that?" He asked, trying to keep his voice gentle and to not let his hands shake any more than they already did.

Steve sighed and rested the palm of his hand on the dresser as he looked out the window; sun glinting off his golden hair. A sad smile tugged at Steve's lips as he continued to look out the window.

"You know, it's funny," He began, looking back down at the dresser and away from the overly blinding light from the window.

"When I was a kid, I was a burden to everyone I knew. Kids on the streets used to laugh at me as they walked by, adults would quickly turn away and act like I wasn't there, and then the older adults, the kinder ones, they would give me this look," Steve said, a slight frown etching in his brows.

"It was like a pitying look. Like they felt sorry for me. I always used to go home, try and comfort my ailing mom, and just ignore everything. I wanted to end it; right then and there. But I couldn't. My mom needed me, so I didn't." Tony stood up, but didn't move any closer, listening to every single word and memorizing them.

"But then I met Bucky, he helped me. But then my mom passed, and a little while later Bucky was drafted into the army. He made me promise," Steve paused and licked his lips, looking at the ground.

"He made me promise that I wouldn't do anything... _reckless_ , as he called it. He knew I wouldn't break my promise. But I did," He smiled sadly.

"I did it to save him." He sighed as he closed his eyes. "Then we went on a mission, and I got him killed. I could have saved him, but I didn't. Then there was Schmidt's plane, and I thought, maybe this was my way out." He chuckled and shook his head, opening his eyes to look at the pistol.

"But it wasn't. I woke up in some new century where my best friend is an assassin for Hydra, I don't understand a single thing, and I get looked at funny because of the way I act and talk; just like when I was a kid. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere." He smiled a watery smile and looked up at Tony.

"But no matter how many _damn_ times I try to get out, I only come back in a worse position than before." Steve's voice broke and Tony was next to him in an instant, wrapping his arms around the younger man as he sobbed helplessly.

Steve's knees buckled, and they both ended up on the floor; Tony trying desperately to calm Steve down. After just a few moments, Steve pulled away, not sobbing, but still crying softly.

"I'm so sorry, Tony, I shouldn't have-"

"No." Tony stated; efficiently cutting him off. "Don't you dare apologize. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I can't believe I never noticed this, and I'm sorry, Steve." Tony said and Steve shook his head.

"Tony, if I had wanted you to know about it, I would have told you. I," He paused. "I never wanted you to know about this." He said quietly.

"Why not? We could have helped you-" Steve sighed.

"No, Tony. I didn't _want_ help. I'm Captain America for crying out loud, I'm not allowed to break!"

"Steve, that isn't true! You may be Captain America, but Captain America isn't _you_. I didn't befriend Captain America, I befriended Steve Rogers." Tony declared almost angrily. Steve just shook his head.

"But Tony-"

"No buts. You listen to me, Steve; I don't care if you have problems. None of us care about that. Because you are not the only person with problems. Heck, I don't think there is anyone in the world that doesn't have problems, and that's _okay_."

"We all have things that bother us, you saw Clint the other day when there was some joke made about the circus; he got that look in his eyes."

"The same look that Bruce gets in his eyes when someone makes a remark about a monster, and Natasha when someone mentions Russia. And heck, even me when someone reminds me of Afghanistan."

"We all have problems, Steve, so you're allowed to have them, too. Nobody will judge you over them, but we do want to help you with them. You help us, so let us help you." Tony pleaded, and watched as Steve looked at him, a weird look in his eyes, like maybe he was actually starting to _realize_. Tony sighed.

"Look, I absolutely _suck_ at pep talks. Heck, I think Thor would even be better than me at this!" He exclaimed in exasperation and Steve chuckled.

"But Steve, you just got to know, we really do care about you and it would practically kill all of us if you'd do something like that. We care about you, Steve, and we want to keep you around. You got it?" He questioned, and after a few moments, Steve nodded slowly. Tony smiled.

"Good," He said as he stood up and reached out a hand to help Steve up. They started walking out of the room, when Steve stopped. Tony turned back around to face him, and Steve bit his lip, staring at the floor, before looking up and meeting Tony's eyes with a serious look.

"Do you actually mean all that?" He questioned quietly, but honestly. Tony sighed lightly as he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and made sure he made eye contact before speaking sincerely.

"You want to know something?" He asked Steve, who just watched him solemnly. Tony smiled and shook Steve's shoulder gently. "I actually do."

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 **Please let me know what you thought of the story with reviews! :)**


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